Can't Blog. Packing.
September 26^th, 2003
10:57 P. M.

For all of you regular readers out there who are wondering why there was no Thursday post, refer to (but try not to "reference") the title of today's post.

I got the key to the new place today, and I will be moving some things over there tonight. More than likely, I will be moving stuff all weekend, so I won't have much time for my regular fare of running around with friends, and blogging.

You know what? I really don't like the word "blogging", but I use it anyway. I don't know why. I think "writing" would do quite well instead.

Oh, well. I suppose I must eventually get caught up in a language trend...

It's Wednesday Again. Hard to Believe, Isn't It?
September 24^th, 2003
11:55 P. M.

Is it me, or does time just move in bizarre ways? How is it that hours can drag by, but days, months and years can be a blur?
I've been trying to make sense of that for a while now. It's not just because I'm approaching 30...I noticed it when I was in elementary school. I was only in school from about 8 to 3:30, and it felt like forever. But, when the weekend hit, whoosh!
And then, there is some realization of the oddities of time passing that I have noticed because I'm approaching 30. Here's the gist of it;

Since I've turned 21.......22......23.....24....25...26..27.282930, the years seem

to get shorter...

And, I never seem to get done what I want to do. So, instead, I've turned to doing whatever the heck I can to fill the time I have...and have fun doing it.

Without any more ado, her is the:
Humpday Quote of the

Week!

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
---Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

Yeah, I know. Two Douglas Adams quotes in back to back weeks. I just like the way that man had with words.

You Can Never Start Planning for Retirement too Early
September 23^rd, 2003
11:47 P. M.

Yep! I just found out that I did remember to open my IRA type thing at work a few months back. I also found out that I can check my portfolio over the web. Whoopee!
I'm trying to check it out right now. I didn't even know I had money going into it yet. I thought that the info I had in my mailbox at work was stuff saying "You Really Should Have Opened An Account with Us." But, it turns out that wasn't the case. It was my contract and certificate.
And, my mailbox is in a main hallway at work...and this stuff has my account numbers and social security number, too. Scary.
I mean, why couldn't someone have handed that to me directly instead of leaving it in my mailbox where anyone could have gotten to it without me ever knowing about it?!?

I'll never understand that.

I should be accustomed to this sort of thing...our paychecks are delivered to us the same way...

New White Pants + Chocolate Protien Shake =
Semptember 22^nd, 2003
10:05 P. M.

You guessed it...an early laundry day this week. I just washed everything I owned not 3 days ago, and this happens today:

I had a chocolate flavored protien shake in my gymbag today (I won't say what brand it is) to drink when I got hungry after my workout. Somone told me last month that I shouldn't eat for a while after I work out, so I finally decided to get a protien shake (like they had recommended) instead of eating anything.
The directions on the can said to shake well before using. (I wonder what that shake would have been had I not shook it?) Anyway, when I went to open the can, the darn thing spewed all over me. I thought I had waited long enough for it to settle down...and the damn thing wasn't carbonated anyhow, so I thought I had nothing to worry about.
I thought wrong.

Over the weekend, I decided to go to the local Goodwill stores to look for furniture for my new apartment. I couldn't find anything I liked, so instead of leaving right away, I headed over to the men's clothing department.
Over there, I found a nice pair of pants...some that I could wear to work. I never have enough work pants around. I just don't buy a lot of casual stuff. I usually have a lot of jeans (and my workplace only allows you to wear those on payday), so all of my khakis and casual type pants are worn out.
Not all of them, really. I did buy one green pair about 2 months ago, but I've been wearing those every day (and washing them every other day, too). Those poor things are almost worn out.
So, I bought that other pair this weekend, meaning to wear them to work today. I thought it would make the other pair last longer if I didn't have to wear them every day. But, those are the ones I'm wearing right now. That new white pair I had ... it's in my laundry basket right now. I'm going to head over to my mom's to wash them...and to borrow her steam cleaner to remove the chocolate from my car's upholstry.

Not only did that shake mess everything around me up today (it got not only on the pants, but on my shirt, car seat, stearing wheel, windshield and window too), it tasted downright terrible.
...More mess, tastes terrible...
I really don't understand the need to put sweeteners in everything. It had some sort of really nasty artificial aftertaste to it...I can't even descibe how nasty it was.
About the best way I can think of it is this: If you flash back to you childhood at this moment...take your time, close your eyes, and remember now...and think of the nastiest medicine you ever had to take. This is the quality this shake had to it.
I'm an adult now, but part of me was still that screaming child that didn't want to take another drink...but I did anyway, trying to force myself to like it. Heck, I just potentially ruined a new pair of pants, I better darn well like it!
But, it was just so nasty that the child in me won out. Hell, even the adult me didn't like it.
So, I made a big mess with a drink I didn't like, and will never have again.

Ah, well. I'll have things all straightened out tomorrow.
But, if those stains don't come out, I'll have a reminder of that nasty, nasty protien shake...

It's Just Another Sunday, And I've Tried to Keep Busy
September 21^st, 2003
8:56 P. M.

There is only so much one can do in this town on a Sunday. I haven't checked any local calendars, but I'm sure there could have been either a concert or a nearby festival I could have gone to today.
I did go to the gym...I've gotten over my fear of the free weights and the machines. Like one of the older guys out there told me, "It's better to do something potentially wrong on these machines than to do nothing at all." So, with that advice at heart, I've been actually lifting weights and using the machines. On top of my normal ten minutes on the bikes (I've also added ten minutes on the "eliptical" machines), and the 40-70 minute walks around the track. I've also been showering out there, too. Like I said...I've been avoiding any nudity around the locker room, but heck...it beats driving back home to use the shower (not to mention it spares gas in the car).
I have, however, been having to pay for an extra hour of parking lately. It's only a dollar, though. That's cheaper than the gas I burn up making another trip back to my place.
But, the gym only lasted about 3 hours. I got there a little after noon today, so when I got out, there was still plenty of daylight left to blow.

Sunday...3:30 P. M. What's a single 29 year old to do?

Well, I did what I did yesterday. I ran around with the old friend...the "Mick Foley" of lawncare. It's always a hoot with that guy around. I never know what kind of random phrase he's going to spout off with next. They could be prompted or influenced buy the slightest thing he sees outside the car windows.

I can't remember what he said today...I have trouble remembering things when I laugh hard enough at them.

Today, we went to a department store and picked up a couple of controllers for his Playstation 2 and Gamecube. Yes, he's all set for personal entertainment. I wish I had the kind of money to blow on things like that. I probably do, but I manage my finances so poorly that I can spend the majority of a paycheck and have very little to show for it.

Back to the video games, though...it can be tedious watching friends play video games for hours on end. But, it is what we grew up doing. It's what brought us together in the first place. We've been through the Atari 2600, Nintendo Entertainment System, Super Nintendo Entertainment System, and both of the Playstations. Any new thing that comes out, one or the other of us will more than likely buy it.

It's usually him, though. Like I've said in earlier posts, the main goal in my life right now is to be married and have children. I've put that above almost everything else in my life. Education has made it back to top priority right now. As well as getting in shape and losing weight...which, as of today, I've lost 25 pounds. It's hard to envision a family of my own with no partner anywhere in sight.
With fitness looming on my horizon, though, I may be able to either attract someone, or at the very least start to feel like dating again. I can honestly say that I still don't feel good enough to date anyone right now. (There are three notable exceptions to that, but all three are not available. And none of them are my ex.)

On the subject of my ex, I did go over to talk to her roommate last night. It's odd, but he and I are friends. My ex being his roommate prompts me to stay away, though. I think it's a pity. We get along well, have some things in common (our love of computers and science fiction), and he can be fun to hang around with. But, the way my ex "inadvertantly" put him between us makes me uncomfortable to go over there to visit with him. It is a very sore point between my ex and I. I objected to her moving in with a man, and she said, "Well, it's nice to know how you feel, but it's not going to change anything," and "You would have gotten mad at me if I had moved in with a woman, anyway." ...I don't think this girl will ever know how to fight fair.
It's alright, though...in the brief conversation I had with him, he told me that the guy I had seen her with is her new boyfriend. And one of the things he has said is....get this now, it's priceless..."Why do you live with a guy?"
New boyfriend, same objection. All I can say is this:

Dude, leave now!

She will lead you on, jerk you around, and fight unfair for the rest of your life...that's the way she did me, and the ex of hers that set she and I up together. In 12 years, she has not changed.

She won't change for you...I found this out the hard way.

She didn't change for me.

The Price of Boredom
September 20^th, 2003
10:37 P. M.

It's Saturday. Whee.

I reconnected, once again, with an old childhood friend, and former roommate. He and I went around town doing some shopping.

Guy shopping, y'know....electronics, beer, beautiful women....

We basically ran around town talking about old times, how our lives were going...and wrestling.
He works for a small lawn maintaince/landscaping business. You may or may not know that this line of work carries possibilities for some seriously painful injuries.

Here's where the wrestling part comes in....he called himself the "Mick Foley" of lawncare.

He told me about a larger walk behind mower he uses routinely. The deck of this mower had...had...wheels on it so if you encountered a curb or a small stump, it would raise up and go over the obstruction.
One day, he was using this mower, and someone had altered it. No one warned him, but apparently the owner of the company, for some strange and unknown reason, decided to take a cutting torch and remove the wheels.
So, when my old friend is out one day, he notices a stump in his path. He raises the deck, expecting the wheels to roll right over that stump. Of course, there were no wheels on the deck anymore...so the deck hits the stump and stops the mower dead in its tracks. My friend...well...experienced Newton's Laws.

He kept moving...his momentum drove him above, and then into, the handle. Normally, the handle is at about abdomen level...slightly below the navel.

So, you guys out there may know what's coming next....He hit that handle bar...

How do I say it without every guy/man/male reading this doubling over in sympathy pain (as I did)?

I can't think of any way ... so I'll just say it.

He got hit right in the groin. He even had bruising of...well...something(s) that we should hope to never have bruised.

And, he went right back to work the next day. I agreed...that does sound like something Mick Foley would have done.

I wouldn't have though. Wow! I suppose, though, I might...my friend and I have one thing in common. We both absolutely hate being homebound. We need to get out, even if it is to go to work.

Boredom really does have a high price. Especially if you consider that there are people who would work through serious injury to ward it off.

It's Friday, the Weekend's Calling...And Time for Five Questions
September 19^th, 2003
9:28 A. M.

Well, this is the weekend that I should be moving as much as possible to the new place. As with many other weekends, though, there is a strong desire in me to simply seek out some fun...whether fun be hangin' with old friends, or finding a new place to go, or just doing one of my late summer/early fall drives in a random direction (so long as there is a road in that direction, that is).
This time I hope to have the control to get some things packed and moved, though. I will try my best to do so. I'm just not a homebody anymore. I'm here long enough to do a blog entry, take a shower, and go somewhere.

With that aside, let's get on with the show, shall we?

This Friday Five is on my favorite subject of the moment...one that I haven't even thought to approach simply for fear of getting sued...just wait 'til you start reading it!

1. Who is your favorite singer/musician? Why?

You're asking me to name only one? That's not fair! There are many that I love, but if you want one that I have pleasant memories of adolescence attached to, that would be Todd Rundgren.
Why? I think that's a bizarre question to ask on a matter of taste. Todd Rundgren's music, for the most part, appeals to me. I can say that about a lot of music, though....
So...Why Ask Why?

2. What one singer/musician can you not stand? Why?

Oh, now you're going to get me in trouble....I shouldn't even bother with this one....because, once again, I have trouble only picking one. Basically, you can pick any overhyped top 40 artist, and a counterpart billed as an "anti-overhyped artist", and I won't like either one of them.

3. If your favorite singer wasn't in the music business, do you think you would still like him/her as a person?

Well, from what I've read on Todd Rundgren's old site, I think I would like him. Through his writing on that site, I got the impression that if he weren't a musician, he would probably be doing very well writing comedy.

4. Have you been to any concerts? If yes, who put on the best show?

I've been to plenty of concerts. I've seen the Moody Blues four times, Stevie Ray Vaughn once, NRBQ twice (I even helped load their equipment up after the show!), and Todd Rundgren once. (By the way...If you ever get to read this, Mr. Rundgren, did you know that the theater in Lexington, Kentucky you played in was on a stretch of road that Marvin Gaye would shine shoes on before he got famous? It was really cool that you played some of his music that night...April 4th, 2003.)
Of all the groups I have seen, I'd say it was a toss up, with one leading more over the other. I would have to say my heart goes out to the two NRBQ shows I've seen with Stevie Ray being a verrry close second. Close enough to actually make Todd's show second. (I just love the more intimate settings...NRBQ played at a small music club here in town, and Todd had only himself, a piano, a couple of acoustic guitars, and a karaoke set up to perform some stuff he couldn't perform without a back up band.)

5. What are your thoughts on downloading free music online vs. purchasing albums? Do you feel the RIAA is right in its pursuit to stop people from dowloading free music?

Here's the biggy! I am trying to keep this toned down....but how? I'm fairly passionate about music...so if I come off as a little abrasive, towards everyone, then EXCUUUUUUSSSSE MEEEE!
Here goes...
Some of the stuff I've heard of people being sued for downloading, I ask myself...WHY? A lot of this stuff I don't even consider worth the time to steal! It is stuff that the market is positively over-saturated with anyway! There simply isn't enough out there worth stealing at all! And, if I think it's worth stealing, I have either already bought it, or it's on my wish list and I will buy it later.
As far as do I think that the RIAA is right to sue people to keep them from downloading music? Hell, if they're desperate enough, they might send hitmen to snuff a few of these "freeloaders" out...and then make it perfectly legal to do so by lobbying Congress pretty damned hard. Not my place to say whether it's right or not. I do have my opinion, though....particularly about Napster...

On Napster, I found some music that I could find no other way. I found music that was on labels that had folded before anyone could buy the catalogs. So, I found a bunch of stuff that I will more than likely never see again. Root Boy Slim comes to mind...If anyone's ever heard of him before, he's great! Very funny, and a K-A rocker sometimes, too. (If you want to know what K-A means, go ask D, she'll tell ya!)

But, Root Boy is dead, his label folded shortly after his death, and I've been searching everywhere for his music. Napster was the only place I could find it, and that site got shut down because some nitwits snuck a Metallica album out before it was released.

Metallica, I have some respect for...I wouldn't download any of their music (and I wouldn't buy it, either), simply because I don't like it enough. There's only so much growling and power chording I can take. But, if I hear them on the radio, I won't change the channel.
Funny thing about Metallica is that I don't think they would have had any problem at all with their music being downloaded. I've heard that these guys have actually encouraged their fans to bring recording devices to concerts...wow!
But, like I said, the only reason they sued to close Napster was because the material available there hadn't been released yet. I can say I don't blame Metallica at all for that.
I do blame the nitwits that posted unpublished material. Since that time, I've been trying, to no avail, to find some Root Boy Slim stuff.
Dammit! I miss Napster, but I would prefer pay to have some Root Boy stuff in my collection. How else is the frickin' RIAA going to know where my money goes? Hell, I figure if we spend enough money on our favorite music, the Industry would produce more of it.
So, I would, IF I had the money to do so, spend thousands trying to get ahold of some Root Boy Slim stuff. Maybe that would encourage someone to find and/or promote similar artists out there.

In all this ranting, though, I've forgotten one thing......how is the RIAA going to stop us from recording stuff off the radio?

...Just a thought...

It Was a Thursday...What Else Can I Say?
September 18^th, 2003
11:55 P. M.

Wow! I just made it!
I've been home now for a little more than a half an hour, and I'm just now sitting down to write a new entry.

Like Arthur Dent of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy once said, I never could get the hang of Thursdays. It was payday today. Checks came out...but I have direct deposit.
Part of my check goes into a checking account, and the other part went into savings. I went to my human resources department last month to change that...I wanted to send more into the checking account and keep the rest as a check I could cash at a nearby grocery store if, like today, I was out of money and had nothing for lunch.
So, when I opened up my envelope today, I saw how I had the amount I wanted going into checking, but.......instead of the rest coming out as a check I could cash, it went into savings! For some reason, several months ago, the amount I designated to go into savings stopped showing up in savings.
Instead of it going into savings, it went into checking, but a full day after the first amount. I didn't understand why, and I've tried twice to correct that, and it still goes into checking.
So, last month, I resent my paperwork, only this time I left any reference to my savings account off. Did that work?

No.

They told me that the change would take effect not on the paycheck coming up, but the one after it. (Which happens now to be the one beforetoday's.) So, ....I've got to try my luck with the paperwork one more time!

If I go in there to cancel my direct deposit altogether, would the money stop showing up at all?

If This Is Wednesday, Then This Must Be;
September 17^th, 2003
11:40

Humpday Quote of the

Week!

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
---Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See”

I whole heartedly agree with this quote, but at one time I was arrogant enough to actually exclude myself as a guilty party. I see people making the same mistakes as others might, and I think to myself, "You all have seen other people make those mistakes before...why don't you learn from their example?"
Well, I'm a swift one to talk....
I spent 7 and a half years with someone who (admittedly) couldn't make up her mind whether she loved me or not.
Making up her mind on a matter of the heart ... I'm thinking I made one of the oldest mistakes in the book. I could have learned off of thousands of people to have gotten out long ago, while I was younger and not as attached to her...but I thought I was different, and that I could make things work.
...That was another mistake I've seen other people making...Ah, well. So long as I can laugh about it, I'll be alright.

Boldy Going Where I've Gone Before
September 16^th, 2003
11:30 P. M.

Well, if I haven't said it before, I'll say it now...I Hate My Friggin ISP!
My mother sent an e-mail to me that had a link to many different scholarship progams to 2 and 4 year colleges all around the country. I had already explored most of that link today before I went to work...but the ISP slowed down (peak hours, I suppose) and I couldn't get one of the pages to pop up. So, I shut down and went on to work, expecting to come home to explore the link one more time.
Well, I opened up another e-mail first. It was nothing I needed, so I went back to the list and deleted it. I then opened my mom's e-mail, and the window popped back to the front with the e-mail that I had just deleted. So...after waiting a little bit, without my mom's mail appearing, I clicked on the delete button at the bottom of the mail window. I got a confirmation meesage, clicked "yes" and the window closed. I was staring at the list again.
This time, though, the list didn't have the important scholarship information I wanted to look at.
Frikkin' Great!
So, when the window I had sent to the back came back to the front, it should have switched messages, but didn't. So, when I thought I was deleting the one I thought didn't get deleted, I deleted the one I wanted to keep!
What...The...Heck?!?

Ah, well. I have that e-mail back on the way. I just sent a message to Mom about what happened, and I'm sure that before I get online tomorrow, it will be in my inbox.
But, I still wanted to look at the thing tonight!!!!
rrg!

In my explorations, though, I got some of my information out for a bunch of colleges to look at. I listed my interests. Acting/directing was one of them, along with (surpise!) creative writing. I'm going to see what comes of this now. It would be so nice to have a degree in something that interests me...something that translates into a job I can love!

I have been to college before. That stint ended disasterously for me. I picked a major that I was not cut out for, and rode it out to its conclusion. It concluded a year later, with me flunking out of college, and picking up a string of menial jobs with meager pay. Here's hoping I can get back into college, so I can wind up with a job I love...that also happens to have meager pay.......

No way out of that, I suppose...

What, No Monday Post?
September 16^th, 2003
12:32 A. M.

No, there will be no Monday post this week. Work went a little over tonight, so I made it home on a Tuesday instead.
Never fear, though. As promised, I will write about what happened at the library...as concisely as possible, since I'm very tired right now. I hope I can get this done before sleep overtakes me...

So, once I got done at the gym, I walked back down to the library and sat outside to read. It was still about ten minutes until the thing opened, so I grabbed a locally published free weekly magazine. I read my favorite column in there...I don't know if I'd be revealing too much if I were to include the name of that column (but it includes the words "truck" and "reality"), but it was a particularly good edition that day.
At this time I would like to tell you readers why I've been going to the library so often (other than I'm too cheap *cough* broke to buy books). See, folks...since I've been writing to this blog, I've been looking for ways to improve my writing. Perhaps, even ways of expanding my abilities. I've been looking over back copies of writers' magazines for writing exercises. I've found a few, and boy are they doosies! YOU try writing about something in terms of what it is not! I'm going to have to give that a try one day. If I feel mentally up to it. For those of you who happen to be painters, try leaving the centerpiece of your next painting absolutely without color; but go wild all around it.
I've been going to the library researching this subject for the past couple of weeks. I've been thinking about becoming a published writer for quite some time, anyway.

So, then, am I messing myself up by putting my words out on the web for anyone to read for free? Not necessarily...I'm counting on you folks forgetting that I've posted my name here. So, by the time I publish any of this stuff (under my full real name), I will have revised, edited, and fictionalized it to the point no one will recognize it!!!!

So, keep your eyes peeled for a new author on the shelves of your local bookstore...it may be me! (Though I have nothing ready to publish as of right now...But, writing is a long, drown out, and often times daunting task!)

Well, I hope you've enjoyed this non-Monday post. Maybe I'll write another post later today to have an official Tuesday post. But, I'll sleep on that zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

What a Wonderful Smell You've Discovered!
September 14^th, 2003
10:40 P. M.

What began as a moody and introspective day progressed into, then finished with many (minor) personal journeys. In order to boost my mood, I got up a little earlier than usual, to go to the gym, then on to the library. What I didn't count on was it being Sunday. This city's streets must have just unrolled about an hour before I got moving this morning...because after I got out, I saw very little going on. And I was out at 10:30 this morning (local time).
So, I got to the gym, parked in a prime spot (two spaces away from the door to the elevators).
At this point, I should possibly clarify something. I don't know if I've written about it or not (I don't even care enough to research my own posts here), but the gym I go to is on the top floor of a parking structure right in the middle of downtown. During the weekdays, I can't get a great parking place to save my life...no matter how early I get out. Now, I'm normally an advocate of finding a spot, and just putting the car there. Most of the time, however, I will try to get as close to the place I'm going to enter, simply so I can see my car as soon as I leave. I've actually lost my car for about 40 minutes once in a mall lot. I though that maybe I would have to wait 'til the end of the day before I would see it again. Add this sort of inattention to a multilevel garage, and you're looking at a man in mild panic every time he enters the premises!
Like, I said, I had the prime spot (easy to remember), and went to the top floor...only to find the doors to the gym closed. The sign said it would not open until 12.
Shoot.
What do you do in that case? I decided to see what time the library would open. 1 P. M. I looked down at my watch. The trip only took 5 minutes.
Dang.
Still the better part of an hour and a half to blow. So, I just took off walking...at random. Just to see what downtown Lexington had turned into since the last time I really walked around down there (about 14 years ago!

It was kind of sad. The place I used to do Christmas concerts at in Junior High School was mostly deserted. What was once a thriving mall in the heart of downtown is now mostly empty. There may only be one or two places left in there.
Halls that were once populated by the smells of many different restaurants, are now stale of fading memory. It looked and felt like a ghost town (I suppose even ghost towns have a Starbuck's in them now....)
Seeing and smelling that Starbuck's made me happy. I thought that maybe it would bring some interest back to the building it occupies. The halls that once echoed with the merry bustle of weekend shoppers may do so once again...perhaps it will stay that way until I have children singing in their choirs down there.

From there, I hiked over to the new courthouses...where construction was on hold for the weekend, and someone had forgotten to replace a storm sewer cover they had moved. I wondered why the park in front of the library stank. Lovely Hydrogen Sulfide...yumyum.
Reminded me of the job I had at the sewage treatment plant. Fascinating place. I really miss the people I worked with. They were a great group of guys. Yeah...I can think of only one woman that worked there with us. I wonder why there weren't very many more?

I even wound up walking down to my old college. I went to places there I hadn't seen in more than five years (other places I hadn't seen in almost 10). I stopped in front of the main classroom building for freshmen. There is a preserved tree stump there that was discovered in a coal mine in 1933. I stopped and read the plaque, and took time to really look at the thing. I tried to remember the first time I laid eyes on it.
It was a field trip in second or third grade. Perhaps it was earlier...maybe on the order of 23 or 24 years ago. It felt strange to me...am I old enough to recall things from that long ago? Yes, I am...
I thought about how much I had changed of those past 24 years...and how that old stump remained much as I had remembered seeing it the first time...maybe it had a little more algae here, a small chip missing there...but those details would be hard to notice when you're trying to remember from last year, let alone two decades ago.
According to the plaque, that the stump had been on display in that spot since 1961. I tried to think of what could have changed about it since then. There are a couple of places where it is obvious that concrete had to be used to keep the thing whole...it has a couple of seams where time may have ravaged it. Then again, could that damage have been done in '33 when it was removed from the mine?

I walked on through the campus. I passed next to what used to be the library where I wasted a lot of study time playing in Multi-User Dungeons on the computers. I can't remember doing a whole lot of anything productive there at all. From there I walked down the nice, wide walkway that lead down to the building that still houses the registrars offices. Lots of time spent in long lines there...And the name is quite memorable; Funkhauser. One of my first nights walking on campus with friends of mine I remember encountering and commenting on a bad smell in that area. The smart-ass of the group pointed out the name of the building...and I haven't forgotten it since.

From there, I hit Rose Street, but not before I stopped at the Chemistry/Physics building. That was an enchanting place to me. It harkens back to a time, 20 or more years before I was born, that was more optimistic (if not dangerously naive). I could imagine offices in that building where professors would be organizing research data that would be largely ignored for those old "Duck and Cover" films.
I thought about my first vain attempt at a college education. I entered college to major in Physics, so a lot of my time would have been spent there in the next few years...had things worked out between me and the realm of pure sciences. And, let's not forget all the math involved! I realized today that I, too, had been optimistic and naive...
...in many ways...
That line of thought actually helped me feel better about where I am right now...in the past ten years, I have learned what I am not. That's not such a bad thing to know. There are always going to be certain avenues that are closed to me...and I would like to think I will know which ones those are the next time I set foot on one. It would have been nice to have that figured out by 19...but who at 19 knows that sort of thing? At 19 I was all about persistence to the point of stupidity...Persistence with inconsistent effort.
That might have closed several avenues right there.

I passed by the Chemistry/Physics building, on the way back to the gym. Another half hour would pass before I would get back there. But, in that half hour, I passed by the center for performing arts...where I had seen many performances of the Lexington Philharmonic. It was also a place where I had been in a few performances myself. Gee...those were swell times. I loved performing....I would be happy to do it again one day.
If only I could find the time.

The rest of my trip back to the parking garage passed in mental silence. I felt at peace with where I was, and what I was doing at the time.
Mostly, though I was getting myself prepared to take a shower in the gym's stalls. I've never been much on nudity in places as public as a locker room. I think I would be more comfortable if I were in better shape...but I think not.
Today wasn't so bad...there was practically no one there, so I showered in relative comfort. All the other guys were working out, and I had just finished mine. (Walking around town for an hour and a half is tough, man!)
After the shower, I decided to take a look at the whirlpool. It was much like the others I had used before...once you've seen one, you've seen them all (in a certain price range).
In the area with the whirlpool, there was a sauna (I've used one of those before) and a steam room...
I've never used a steam room before...
After an initial shock (I opened the door then shut it quickly after the humidity hit me) I stepped inside. I understand the allure of those things now. Breathing became easier...kinda like being in a room with one of those old fire haz...er...humidifiers my parents used to run whenever I got the flu.

Then I went to the library.....I'll have to write about that tomorrow. So far, writing about this morning (and part of the afternoon) has taken longer than the adventure itself.

I'm getting tired. Bed calls.

What's Changed in My Life this Week
September 13^th, 2003
11:47 P. M.
Well, I was just waiting in front of my apartment waiting to see if the neighbors I hang out with sometimes would be out tonight, when I saw my ex-girlfriend drive up and get out of her car. I saw her stand in front of her car for a little while, and then....I think the guy I saw her with last week got out and followed her up to the apartment she shares with the other guy she met at work (nothing's going on between she and her roommate, though.)
It hurt to see that. But, I knew it would...and I've been prepared for it to hurt every time I see her with another guy. I do still love her, and I would still like for things to work out between us...but I don't think there is even the slightest possibility that it would ever turn out that way.

So, in answer to the question I asked on last Sunday's post (Should I Stay or Should I Go? of September 7^th, 2003)...I go. I told my apartment manager about my situation...how much I liked my apartment, but I couldn't stay...and she worked with me to get an apartment with the same owner elsewhere. In fact, the owner was in the office when I went in. They found me a nice little villa, only about two blocks away. I will never see my ex again, because I've never known her to travel through the neighborhood I'm moving to.
On a lighter note, I have met the person who will be getting my old place. She is a very attractive college student...about 22, I believe, and will be moving in here shortly after I move out (possibly next weekend, or the one after that!) So, one day if my ex happens to be out when the new tennant happens to be going in her door, my ex will see a hot young woman using a key to get into my door! (I'm not telling my ex, or her roommate that I'm moving...I'd love to know what might cross her mind if that scenario ever plays out! I wonder if it would be anything like what happened to Julia Roberts' character in "My Best Friend's Wedding?")

It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.
-- François de La Rouchefoucauld

I Bet You Thought I Forgot the Friday Five!
September 12^th, 2003
11:46 P. M.

1. Is the name you have now the same name that's on your birth certificate? If not, what's changed?

It's the same name I've had all my life. Except for that brief period that I had a manager insist upon calling me "Gary." I had my name tag on, but he didn't seem to notice it...and I was the only one he was calling "Gary" anyway, so I didn't see that it made any difference to correct him.

2. If you could change your name (first, middle and/or last), what would it be?

I don't know. I'm comfortable with my name. And, my combination of names isn't very common around here. I mean, it's not like looking for a "John Smith" in the phone book...
...Unless you happen to be in Cincinnati...

3. Why were you named what you were? (Is there a story behind it? Who specifically was responsible for naming you?)

I was named after my father, but neither of my parents wanted me to be a "Junior," so they choose a middle name that was only four letters different from Dad's.
And, my father was named after a friend of my grandfather's ... a man who died when a drunk driver ran him off the road. This man's first and last names became my father's first and middle names. So, you could say that I am indirectly named after this fellow, too.

4. Are there any names you really hate or love? What are they and why?

To me, names are names, really. I answered to a name that wasn't my own because no one else answered to it or was addressed by it.
I can say that I really don't hate any particular name...I just have problems with a few of them. Like, parents who try to give their children unusual names, and it turns out that when these kids get to kindergarten, there are three or four children per class who have these "unusual" names.
But, really, the whole idea that people must ABSOLUTELY name their children before the poor children are even born bothers me. It used to be that children had to be a certain age before they earned their names. Think about it this way....That's the way a lot of Native American cultures did it...and a few European ones did, once upon a time. For further thought, consider this; my own name, translated from Hebrew (first and last names) and Nederlands (last name) into English is "Beloved Light of the Hill People!!!" Talk about pressure! How the heck am I going to live up to that?

5. Is the analysis of your name at kabalarians.com accurate? How or how isn't it?

Goody...some numerology...nice.

Brief Analysis


Your first name of David has given you a very practical, hard-working, systematic nature. Your interests are focused on technical, mechanical, and scientific things, to the exclusion of interests of an artistic, musical, or social nature. You have a rather skeptical outlook on life and rather materialistic standards. In reaching your goals, you are very independent and resourceful, patient and determined. You can be so very positive and definite in your own ideas and opinions that others sense a lack of tact and friendliness in your manner of expression. You are inclined to be rather demanding and self-centred in your personal wants, and your own desires can be so overriding that you fail to recognize or appreciate the feelings, opinions, or desires of others. As a consequence, difficulties in relations within the family or with close associates can arise.

Practical, hardworking, systematic nature, huh? Right. Note the laughter of the people who know me. Second sentence isn't quite backwards....I hold things of scientific/engineering nature to be every bit as important as things of an artistic/social nature. While I do try to maintain some healthy skepticism, even some sarcasm (note my reaction to the name analysis), I do not necessarily have a materialistic bent.
But, by "materialistic," do they mean someone who values money/possessions, or someone who believes that the "whole equals the sum of all the parts" as opposed to "the whole is greater than the sum of all the parts?" (Darn epistemology class! I went into that thing thinking I knew something, after a semester I came out knowing absolutely nothing! I still don't know anything!!!)
In reaching my goals...Ha...'nuff said.
You can be so very positive and definite in your own ideas and opinions that others sense a lack of tact and friendliness in your manner of expression. Nailed it! Most of the time, that is...there are times when I am veeeerrrry indecisive. (On second thought, no...well, yes...I don't know.)

You are inclined to be rather demanding and self-centred in your personal wants, and your own desires can be so overriding that you fail to recognize or appreciate the feelings, opinions, or desires of others. As a consequence, difficulties in relations within the family or with close associates can arise.
Really, who hasn't been guilty of this from time to time? For the most part, however, I will put everyone else's needs and feelings before my own. But, that can lead me to getting hurt, and I do actually lash out sometimes. That can cause difficulties in relations...especially if I've displaced some of my frustrations (which I probably have done sometimes) from one situation to another.

I think this analysis isn't too terribly accurate for me, but with all the other Davids running around out there, it has to be dead on for someone.

I mean, even a stopped clock is right twice a day...

Wait Until Dark by Frederick Knott (1992-93 Fall)
September 12^th, 2003


I had the lead in this play. In case anyone has never seen it, or the movie starring Audrey Hepburn and Richard Crenna (who played the same role I did), then do not read on…SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!
This is why I put the red asterisk where I did. In this play, my character (Mike Talman, a small time ex-convict) gets blackmailed into a heroin smuggling scam. Mr. Talman, from what I recall, was not a drug runner…probably just a petty thief…I seem to remember him (me?) mentioning breaking into people’s houses for a ‘living’. Drug running then is not in his blood. He doesn’t like it, or the people who do it…they’re simply too dangerous. Dangerous so that … I had a death scene near the end of the play!!!! Yippee!!! My first death scene!
But first, I must tell you that we did all of our own set construction. The director bought the supplies…and we started from scratch. Stretching the canvas, painting, nailing, and, yes, even cutting of the lumber took place on the stage we were to perform this thing.
Now…knowing I had a death scene, I made damn well sure the shopvac we had was run at the end of or foray into the realm of set design/construction. I had to wind up on the floor, face down for jeebus’s sake!
But, I apparently didn’t do a good enough job because, on the closing night, I managed to find the only pile of sawdust left on the stage…It wasn’t even that big of a pile. It was imperceptible to the unaided eye, in fact!
My character was stabbed in the back, and I fell down the stairs gasping and reaching out to the poor blind lady, to collapse at the bottom. Like I said, on closing night I found that little bit of sawdust. With what was supposed to be my last breath (I actually held my breath as I was dragged off stage in the other showings), I blew every last grain of that damned dust right into my eyes…ouch.

A few days after the play started, I was changing shirts one day, and noticed a series of blue lines running down the right side of my trunk. I wondered, “What the hell is this all about?” Then I realized…It was the pattern that remained after falling down those steps three or four times for rehearsal, and 3 more times for the actual shows.
Bruises and sawdust in the eyes…I wouldn’t trade it for all the world! And…I would do it all again.

But, jumping back to mid story a bit here, I actually dedicated my performance to someone. I had invited her to the closing show…I thought that would be easier for her to make, since she went to college in a neighboring town. I had even offered to buy her ticket for her, and give it to her personally when she got to the show. It turned out, though, that April 8^th was the Thursday before finals started (they would have started for her on Monday, and she would need to be studying as the play was going on…and the travel time would have cut into her study time, too.
She told me that the week before the show, so I told her that I would dedicate my performance to her because she couldn’t be there. She giggled a little, and thanked me.
That was the last time I would talk to her ever again.
She was on her way back to town for the weekend that Friday afternoon, in the rain, when she hydroplaned and hit a tree. By all accounts, she died instantly. I have since heard that it may have been the airbag that broke her neck.

Amy…I know you can’t read this now…but I miss you, and I wonder every day what you would be doing now if you were still here with us. I have vowed to touch people’s lives the way you touched mine for as long as I live.

I promise.

Someone Waiting be Emlyn Williams (1991-92 Fall)September 11^th, 2003
11:58 P. M.

Yesterday I started my post by saying that I remembered little about the play I wrote about. Well, today is the same. I, once again, have neither script nor program for this play, and to top that off, all I had in the play was a walk on part at the very end.
For the most part, I was in a technical position. I handled some props, I did a radio announcer voice, and I pulled the curtain at the end of the acts. I once pulled the curtain a couple of minutes early when I misunderstood the stage manager's direction!

oops!

I don't remember if I ever got a chance to apologize to the lead actor for cutting him off in the middle of his line. I hope to get that out to him right here and now. I know there is very little chance that he will ever read this, but I'm sorry, man!
Since I was not so much a part of the action on the stage, I got to actually pay attention to the play, and not worry so much about listening for to the cues for my lines (which was a gunshot, anyway). I must say that I liked this one very much, and I am going to reveal nothing of the plot to you here.
What I will tell you about this play is that it is very much worth seeing, no matter who's acting in it. Very enthralling!

Tomorrow's post will be much longer, I promise. I remember a whole lot more about that play. I even have the script right here in front of me.

I was even the male lead in this one....

Tune in tomorrow for the conclusion:

Episode V:Wait until Dark by Frederick Knott (1992-93 Fall)

First, a memorial.
September 11^th, 2003
11:48 P.M.

First, a memorial.
To all who diedOn that fateful day
When the world changedAnd we realized thatNot all those who lay claimTo doing God's workAre truly men of Peace.

And that goes for allWho invoke God's nameTo justify death.

Rumors by Neil Simon (1991-92 Spring)
September 10^th, 2003
8:05 A.M.

I will go right ahead with:

Humpday Quote of the

Week!

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
-- G. K. Chesterton

And Now for the Story

I don’t remember as much about this play as I do the previous two. Mainly because I no longer have either program or script from it. But, I do have some golden memories from it.
In this play, I didn’t have a very big part. It was smaller than a main character, larger than a walk-on. I played a police officer that was called in to investigate a complaint of a gunshot being heard at a loud party. The idea behind this character is that he was just about to get off work when he got the call, so I had to play him at my cranky best. I got to talk to everyone like a big jerk, and totally dominate the scene. Then I left, and the play went on for a short while before concluding.

But, the main memory for this one….this is where I finally got to meet, and talkto Amy. She was second assistant director, so technically for a short while, she was my boss.
Truth be told, though, I had had my eye on her since one of the first days at this school. In my sophomore year, I saw her drive past as I was hanging out before classes one day. You know how you catch a glance at someone…you think that they are incredibly cute, and you feel like you have to talk to them? Well, that’s the way I felt the first time I saw her. I asked the people standing near me if they knew who she was (I thought it would be easier if we had a friend in common. Turns out, we did…But, I didn’t find out about that ‘til years later, right, D?) No one could tell me who she was, and I had no classes with her…and I never would.
Right away, I noticed that, even while she was calling out orders to us, she was fairly quiet…almost mousy, but she still had enough presence to keep any of us from walking all over her. And, when she wasn’t in assistant director mode, she came across as painfully shy. She always had her shoulders slumped forward, and her head down. I rarely saw her with her head held up. But, somehow, she was still beautiful. I still wanted to talk to her. I needed to know about the human being that I saw there.
I was delighted the day I walked into the auditorium, and saw her sitting with the drama teacher. I knew I had a good couple of months to talk to her….All I had to do was to work up the nerve to do so…

What is it about some of us actors? We can perform in front of hundreds of total strangers, but when it comes to approaching someone to strike up a friendship (possibly more), we choke? I can strut and fret upon a stage but, dammit, when I want to talk to some female I like, I shut down? Or, at the worst, turn into a babbling fool? I might be lucky…that was just a phase with me. I don’t carry on that way anymore. If I like them, I talk to them, and that’s that. I suppose a couple of resounding, thorough heartbreaks can do that to you.

But, anyway, I did start talking to her. She was just as beautiful on the “inside” as she looked on the outside.
She also had some amazing strength, too. I mean, over all, she was a fairly cheerful young lady, but she had a very tragic life. Things had happened to her that would have broken just about anyone else (it definitely would have broken me) but she still got up every morning, and was still involved with life. Anyone who knew her knows what I’m talking about. I will write no more about her actual life until I hear from her family that it would be ok to do so.
I will however, write about what I learned from her. I learned that, no matter what kind of tragedy happens, life still goes on…you can go on with it, or you can let it pass you by. The best choice, though, is to go on with your life. You do have to leave yourself some time to grieve, though.
I also learned that laughter will return to you after sad things have happened. You will be able to laugh again. The human spirit is remarkably resilient. Just when you think sorrow will never end (and it never truly does), it will lighten up and become almost intangible once again.
And, to reinforce the lessons from Star Wars, do not allow tragedy to turn you bitter and angry…for anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.
This is what I learned from her while she was alive…when I was calling her every weekend for the next year and a half (it could have been closer to two years).

I think of these as the most important life lessons I’ve ever had.

Thus concludes Episode III. Stay tuned for:

Episode IV
Someone Waiting by Emlyn Williams (1991-1992 Fall)
And concluding on Friday with:Episode V
Wait Until Dark by Frederick Knott (1992-93 Fall)
(With more of the story of Amy.)

The Curious Savage by John Patrick (1990-91 Fall)
September 9^th, 2003

In this play, I had the most fun. It was easier to do, as the costume changes only took place over the breaks in the action. My character played the violin...horrifically...while other characters on stage pretended to like it.
And, whenever the curtain fell, we could take a leisurely pace getting ready for our next entrances. I just can't get over that aspect! The costume changes in The Dining Room were tough, man!
In this one, I played a patient at a … well … as the playwright put it … “Home.” The idea of this play was to show the audience how the world outside of an “asylum” can be saner than life on the outside, and how the people on the inside are nicer!
The story centers a lady, Mrs. Savage, whose rich husband has died. He left her his entire fortune, and three grown step-children.
After the death of her husband, Mrs. Savage decides to embark on all the silly, impulsive things she had missed out on while being a housewife. While doing some of these things (and spending a great deal of the estate in the process) she decides to set up a fund which will give money to people who “have a desparate need to be foolish.”
The three children fear that their father’s entire estate will be liquidated through this fund. In fact, Mrs. Savage had already locked a good portion of the estate in cash bonds, and hid them in a secret place (much to her step-children’s chagrin.
In order to get the bonds back, and save the estate so they may divide it up amongst themselves, the children have their step-mother put in a place called the Cloisters.

I played a character named Hannibal. And, yes…this was after the Silence of the Lambs. My castmates were constantly ribbing me over that, and I …err… ate it up.
“And, what does human flesh taste like, Hannibal?” I remember someone asking.
“Chicken,” I replied. It was one of those times I got a big laugh from a simple, one word response. I remember there being a section of a movie that spoofed the Silence of the Lambs where the cannibal character gave that same response. I’m thankful I had seen that movie, or else I would not have had a response ready. (I think that movie is “Loaded Weapon 1,” but I haven’t seen it since, and I’m not certain if that’s part of the movie. I could be getting it confused with something else.)

As far as the behind the scenes stuff went, I remember this one going off without a hitch. In other words, totally boring after the fact, completely intense as we were going through it. Everything was where it needed to be, and if there were any miscues, we were actually quick enough to cover for each other. This cast had worked together in large part in the previous play, so we all pretty much knew each other’s personalities, and therefore how to react to spur memories of where we were in the script.
In fact, the only miscue that I remember in this play was during a scene in which I wasn’t involved. The children had in turn tried to get their step-mother to tell them where she had hidden the bonds. She told them each very different, and very public places in which the bonds were hidden. They each made total fools of themselves, one of them even wound up injured, and all three made headlines in newspapers for their insane attempts at finding this lost bounty.
When the Savages came back to visit their step-mother, they all stand in a doorway glaring at her. The two actors and actress were wrapped up in the moment. Their body language was absolutely perfect…facial expressions were priceless…but someone had a line to be spoken. They held their positions, and expressions for several beats too long, until one of them hissed the line “Can see what you’ve DONE?” very loudly.
I’ve just looked over my old script. That line isn’t even in there…but it went with the tension of that moment perfectly, and the lines, as they were written, started to flow once more.

Sometimes I wonder what was going on in our director’s mind at moments like that. I never got the chance to ask. One of these days, if providence intervenes and I get the opportunity, I would love to ask her what she felt as we blew our lines…even if the audience noticed or not.

Warren Zevon Dead at 56
September 8^th, 2003
10:00 A.M.

Warren Zevon died yesterday. Here's the story from CNN.com.

Rest ye merry, Mr. Zevon

The Dining Room by A. R. Gurney(1990-91 Spring)
September 8^th, 2003

I’ve been trying for the life of me to remember all the events that lead me to the auditorium that day, but all in vain. I can’t even remember what day it was that I even saw the poster for the first time, or where in the school that poster was hanging. I know they were located all over the place, but I believe the one that caught my attention was on the front do to Akers Auditorium.
I can’t even remember the exact wording on that poster. Heck, for all I know, I heard about the try-outs over the intercom during morning announcements. That may be when the impulse struck for me to audition for this thing. I called my mom at work and told her I would be staying after school. I told her why, and she was ok with it (after reminding me that my study habits weren’t all that good, and my grades could suffer if I took on too many distractions.)

The play was called “The Dining Room.” The casting requirements were originally for 3 male and 3 female, but the director went easy on us; this play had each actor portraying at least 4, maybe 5 characters. (At least, that’s how I remember it.) As it turned out, we all had more than 3 characters to bring to life. A challenge even for seasoned veterans, and here we were, mere High School kids doing it for fun, popularity, and/or kicks. Or, in my case, strictly on impulse.

That’s not entirely accurate to say. Like I said on Friday’s post, I had been on stage many times before. But, the last actual play I had been in was in 1984 at Ashland Elementary School. I thought, “What the hell? I’ll try out for this thing and see what happens.” I remembered the fun I had way back then, and I thought I might have fun, if I got a role, to relive the joy of drama!

So, I tried out. I don’t remember who with…but I do remember getting second thoughts when I discovered that I would be required to do some real fast costume changes.

“Portraying multiple characters? Hurriedly changing clothes backstage immediately after my scene to be in a scene only minutes later? What am I getting myself into?” I thought. But, I managed to quell those misgivings. I told myself it was just a challenge, and rising to that challenge would prove exhilarating. It did.

As you might have guessed, I got the role(s). From here, it’s all a blur. I remember the names of all the people who were in this show with me…but I won’t put their names here. Unless they contact me and say I can.

Anyway…this post is more of a jumping off point for memories to come back…for parents or family members, friends who watched this production (or folks who merely wanted to get out of class for a while.)

So, before I sign off, I will plead with anyone who has wondered on here who might have more memories of this, or any of the other plays I will be posting about, to contact me and I will (with your permission) include those memories in future posts!

Tomorrow;

Episode II
The Curious Savage by John Patrick(1990-91 Fall)

Roads Overused
September 7, 2003
9:45 P.M.

Have you ever traveled down your roads…you know the roads you knew growing up? The roads you travel every day, and have traveled every day since you were old enough to remember anything at all?

Have you ever wondered what lies down those roads if you turn right instead of left? Or, how about if you go straight on a road you usually turn off of after only a few blocks…

I do this sometimes. When I’m bored. When I’m lonely. When I have little else to do (and I have had little else to do for quite some time now).

Then, there are times when loneliness and boredom are so intolerable that I can’t take it anymore, and I take that right instead of a left. I go straight, for miles and miles, on roads I usually only travel on for a few hundred yards.

Sometimes I end up going through small towns that I vaguely remember my parents taking me through on Sunday drives. Sometimes, I go farther than even they took me on those Sunday drives oh so long ago.

I take a state highway…one with a number that I can follow…and go on it ‘til I get tired of driving and come back home along the interstate.

I haven’t done that in a while. Last time I did it was in the fall of ’94…after I lost Amy…before the current ex came into the picture…and after I flunked out of college for the first time. It was at a time when I felt my life was completely empty.

Like I feel right now.

The last time I drove like that, I bought a disposable camera, picked up an old High School friend of mine, and I went down U.S. 60 two thirds of the way from home to West Virginia. It was a three hour trip one way.

My friend and I took turns cracking each other up. Every time I would pass someone who was going too slow, my friend would say “You took him to the hole!”

I was afraid for many, many miles to even ask him what that meant. As with many times with this guy, I finally worked up my nerve and asked him what it meant, and the explanation was, at the time, even funnier than the actual phrase.

“It’s what they say in basketball when a player gets dunked on.”

And, he was saying this whenever I passed anyone. Like many other times, I thought to myself, “This guy’s totally nuts, and I’m really enjoying myself!”

I’ve thought about taking that drive again. The best part of it is the companionship, the camaraderie…those laughs shared at life’s expense.

But, that friend is no longer in my life.

No, It’s not D’s ex-boyfriend. This is a different friend…one who is lost all the same.

While he was in High School, he started drinking alcohol pretty heavily. (Some say drinking alcohol in any amount in High School is considered drinking heavily).

I noticed during the stretch of time immediately after High School and up to when I flunked out of college…some of his friends and I had formed an impromptu all night bowling team…that their consumption of alcohol kept getting heavier. I didn’t mind, though. It was their choice to make, and so long as I had bowling buddies, I didn’t care how much they drank. I was their designated driver. (I wouldn’t touch alcohol for about three more years when my mother offered me a glass of White Zinfandel. I, however, will not drink enough to get rip roarin’ drunk. I do get slight buzzes every once and a while off of some paltry amount of beer.)

But, their adventures didn’t end with alcohol.

They went on to marijuana. Again, their choice, but one thing I noticed…as they, one by one, started smoking, they also, one by one, stopped coming to the all night bowling games.

I would still hang out with them…hoping that one or more of them would decide that smoking and hanging out in one of their parents’ basements wasn’t for them, and the bowling would start back up in earnest.

I waited one, two, three years. Then I stopped going around them. In those years I spent waiting for them to come back around, I noticed more and more sinister people coming around them. They themselves had started becoming more and more sinister. As these guys started hitting their twenties, they were picking up 16 year old girlfriends…who would smoke and drink with them. One of those girlfriends, one night, brought out some blotter papers….I left that night and never returned.

This whole time…this entire time…I would not indulge in any of their folly…but, to their credit, I can say they never invited me to join in their indulgences.

I still respect them for that.

I asked one of them why they hadn’t tried to get me into their drug realm. That person said, “I know it’s not your thing, man.”

All hope has faded from that front. I no longer expect any of them to call me up and say, “Hey, man, we’re all clean now…come and pick us up, and we’ll all go on another photo safari like you did 9 years ago.”

But, I’m still waiting….

Should I Stay or Should I Go?
September 7^th, 2003
6:23 P.M.

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.
Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC)

Remember how I said yesterday that I was getting over the pangs of seeing my ex with another guy? Well, I spoke too soon. I'm still in the middle of this, dear reader, and I don't quite understand why. I mean, you folks have surely read by now (post titled I Still Have That Other Girl in My Head) what went on between us over the course of the relationship...And, while I was still her boyfriend, I moved across the street from her so it would be easier for she and I to have time together (which, of course, didn't happen)
I suppose that this is all a matter of realizing that it's over, like D was telling me yesterday. Here I am now, fresh from a new crying spell, wondering once again if I should move. D told me that so long as I am having chance encounters with my ex like that, I will still hurt just as bad every time. And she should know. She dated my old best friend for almost as long as I dated my ex, and I honestly believe she went through a great deal worse than I did. I don't expect D to write about her experiences with my late best friend anytime soon...I hope she doesn't mind me pointing out that it has been almost a year since he died, and I half-way expect that anniversary to be tough on her. More so than it will be for me. She's told me quite a bit about what she went through with him, and I was actually around for most of it.
I just wish I could have been there for her through the worst of it all. But, here we are now, and her friendship remains a source of strength for me. I can honestly say that I don't know where I would be had I not clicked on the link to the Bryan Station Alumni Association website, and saw her name there...with a way of contacting her.
I wonder, with a shudder, where I would be now had I not e-mailed her...as was my inclination. I was afraid of reminding her of her ex, since he and I had a close friendship that ran from childhood into adulthood. This reason alone lead to she and I going seperate ways for so many years.
It was implicit, for a while, that wherever I was, her ex would be close behind. And vice versa. But, that wasn't the way it worked for very long. I faded out of her life, hoping to take her ex with me...because I wanted to see him get well again...to get over her and move on to someone else. I hope I'm not saying too much here, but my old best friend did actually show signs that he could become a danger to her. I didn't want to see him do anything that would ruin both of their lives...or end them.
And, as for my being able to distract him...to help him move on...It was no use. He was completely hung up on her, and could not (would not?) move on.
He was my best friend...We were to be the best men at each other's weddings...we were supposed to be the loud and silly old men who played checkers on the front lawn of the retirement home...All of that is gone, now. It was gone years ago, and I knew it. Even before D finally got the nerve to leave the situation, I knew he was fading out, and there was nothing I could do.
I could try to help D by keeping the ex occupied. Instead...When I finally got back in contact with her, I helped her by validating what she had felt before she even left him. I told her that she did the right thing, and that there was nothing that she, nor I, nor anyone else could have done to save him. I miss that man terribly. I missed him before he died. He was the big brother I never had.
And I watched as he faded.

Pushing My Luck
September 6^th, 2003
9:20 P.M.

I really am pushing my luck here. Do you folks remember how I said D has severe computer issues? Well, I'm over at her house right now showing her a few things I do on my blog. And I'm typing this out on her computer...I'm scared. According to her, I could loose every letter I am typing out at any second! Let's hope that does't happen.
Today's been a pretty ok kind of day. One thing that happened that kind of cast a pall on it was I saw my ex today...
I live across the street from her, and about the same time I was leaving my place, I saw her leaving hers...with another guy. Many emotions hit all at once. Not about wanting to get back at her (or with her), but whether or not to warn the new guy about what he could be getting into. I didn't though. I decided to try and go about my way and think nothing about it. Hard to do. But, I succeeded. I said nothing and the pangs are leaving me. Besides. This guy could just be a friend from work needing a ride somewhere...I hope, no matter what, that all works out...for her...me...and whoever winds up in our lives later on.

Trips Down Memory Lane
September 4^th, 2003
11:40 P.M.(yep, that's when I started this thing!)(And I re-edited it @ 11:52 P.M. on September 6^th. Spell checker can only do so much and I tend to be a bit lackadaisical when I proofread.)

I’m facing my High School’s ten year reunion this month. I’m not going, though. The brilliant folks who we elected to our student council (let’s face it…it was just a popularity contest) decided to have it at an expensive club of some kind in downtown. Folks who have children cannot bring them to this reunion. I honestly must say that meeting my former classmates’ children would have been a major bonus. But, this little gathering (It is little, because the last I heard, the response has not been all that great) is also a dress-up kind of affair. Well, not so much as it was originally planned…I mean, they did ‘downgrade’ it to khakis and casual shirts for men, comfortable skirts for women—but let me stop this description here and start a new one.
My High School was a t-shirt and jeans kind of place. We were mostly from poorer neighborhoods. Some of us haven’t left those neighborhoods, and those of us who have still have a preference for jeans and t-shirts! Those of us who have children now…I haven’t seen any of my former classmates who do have children, so I may not know what I’m talking about here…might actually like to bring their children along!
I mean, come on!!! My father went to the same High School I did. I went to his 20^th, and it was at a local park for crying out loud! Not at some high brow downtown social club. And the tickets to this thing!!!! $35 per person, $70 per couple! Ludicrous! I’ll have to ask my dad what he paid to get the four of us into the park. But, heck…children did get to go!!! There were all kinds of children there!! I was one of the oldest (at seventeen), but I had a blast anyway! There were grills going, games of tag football, all ages were playing volleyball…that’s my idea of a good time right there!

/rant (as Wil Wheaton would say…does anyone else have trouble stopping after typing only one ‘l’ in ‘Wil’)?

With that off my chest, I have been going back in my head over the things I did while I was in High School. What comes to mind is all the plays I was in back then. It all started about … oh … maybe a month or two into my sophomore year. I was going between classes one day and I passed by the auditorium. On the door something caught my eye; there was a poster there that had something about auditions being held for a play that would be shown near the end of the semester. Right then and there…completely spur of the moment…I decided I would stay after school and try out for this thing, If I got a part, fine, if I didn’t, fine also. I would at least have the experience of going for a **snicker** real audition.
I went into the thing with previous experience…In 1984 I was in a musical in elementary school called What’s New? About five years later, in Junior High School (yes Junior High…Middle School wasn't around as a concept in our district until after I became a sophomore) I was not only a part of the Drama Team performing monologues for contests/festivals, I also hosted the talent show that year (1989-90). Throughout this whole time period (1982-1991) I was in every chorus of every school I attended. I was no stranger to the stage by the time I reached High School. The stage had, in fact, already become a friend of mine. I loved performing…no matter what happened (check back starting Monday to see what happened surrounding plays in which I starred in High School!!! The posts will be there, I promise; I’ve already started writing them!)

And here are the post titles to look for;


Monday:
The Dining Room by A.R. Gurney(1990-91 Spring)
Tuesday:
The Curious Savage by John Patrick(1990-91 Fall)
Wednesday (with the weekly feature “Humpday Quote of the Week”):
Rumors by Neil Simon (1991-92 Spring)
Thursday:
Someone Waiting by Emlyn Williams (1991-1992 Fall)
Friday (with an actual Friday Five included):
Wait Until Dark by Frederick Knott (1992-93 Fall)

Waiting for Sleep to Take Me
August 35^th, 2003
12:19 A.M.

I have no real topic for this post, so I won't stick to any one subject at all.

You notice how I put August on the dateline...well, I was just too lazy tonight to correct my goof. I mean, since Monday, I've been trying to put August as the month on everything I've had to write the date on. So, I figured, instead of using the backspace button, I'd just write the August equivalent of September 4^th.

About the pictures in Alabama. The best I can do is what I did...I included links to the area in my post yesterday, many of which have pictures of many of the things I took pictures of. The only thing missing is that fountain at Spring Park in Tuscumbia. It is completely awesome, and hopefully somewhere on the web there is a picture of it in action. It would help if I could remember the name...It's named after a Native-American princess, I think...I'll look at the picture I took of its plaque, and post the name here when I get a chance.

Ok, now D has gotten me into a new habit. I've been fighting the urge to post the results (I don't know why), but I've been taking some of the Quizilla quizzes. They're kinda cute, funny, and sometimes insightful (most of the time it's all three at once)! But, here are the ones I took tonight while waiting for sleep to take me.

Hey! I got the title of the post in the post!

Everyone remembers the 'faked-orgasm-in-a-deli'
sequence from your kind of movie When Harry Met
Sally. It seems that you're falling for a buddy
or have already fallen for them. Uh-oh. You're
probably caught between the possibility of
having a great relationship and wrecking the
one you have now. You know what they say, it's
better to regret something you did than
something you didn't do.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

Seer


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

I think I'll be doing these somewhat regularly now...I like 'em.
Alot!

Welcome Back, Blogger!
September, 3^rd, 2003
1:33 A.M.

As you can see, I missed the Tuesday post (the blogger site was not responding…I couldn’t even read Open Escape or Rabid Librarian’s Ravings in the Wind).
No big loss. Nothing worth writing about went on for me Tuesday. Other than...I'm getting ready to go to a church with my friend D and her husband this coming Sunday. I'm a little nervous. I haven't been to church in such a very long time (at least 12 years) that I don't know what to expect. I don't know if it shows in my postings here, but I consider myself a liberal. But, from what D has told me, my philosophies...my general outlook on life...might actually mesh pretty well with this church. That sounds pretty cool to me. And, she's told me, there are many of our old college friends there. I've missed those people terribly. I haven't seen them in ten years this semester.

Heh. Funny how time gets away from you, huh?

Not really. It's plain terrible...downright sad sometimes, too.

All in all, I'm looking forward to going. Reconnecting with my old friends...talking about old times. But, my favorite thing to do might be to see where everyone's lives have gone. It would be interesting to see how many of them have missed the marriage train as badly as I have...

How should I tell my story to these folks? I have only 3 semesters of college behind me (only successfully completed about 20 credit hours), and I flunked out because I couldn't organize my time well enough to set pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, to complete enough assignments to pass any-dang-thing!

But, now I have a weblog that I can't help but maintain...posting to it sometimes twice a day?!?!? What the heck is up with that? Ah, well. I know my priorities are screwy...and I have trouble (severe trouble) meeting deadlines...Which brings me to this week's:

Humpday Quote of the Week

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
---Douglas Adams

I think I'll make my first prayer at church this coming Sunday to be a plea to help me enjoy this whooshing sound, too. I've heard it often enough...maybe now that I'm a little older, that prayer might actually come true.

I Hope I Haven't Forgotten How to Blog

September 1^st, 2003

9:43 P.M.

It seems that I forgot everything else I set out with for this journey to Alabama. I did promise you dear readers that I would take an old analog blog (pen and tablet) with me and I would post verbatim from it...but, nooooo!...I left that sucker in the car at my mom's house Friday morning. Along with my traveling music, sleep arrangements, most of my lactase pills...*Sheesh* All I remembered to take were two days worth of clothing (to last four days) and my toothpaste and toothbrush!

But, the weekend was saved Saturday when my mother and sister took to a surprise shopping spree. I wasn't expecting to get anything, but I wound up with a few more outfits than I left home with. Heck, I brought practically no money with me (I could only afford to set aside $12 to last all weekend, and that was spent before we hit the Kentucky/Tennessee border) and was merely prepared to look around a shoot a truckload of pictures on my mother's digital camera. (I'll find out if I can post any pictures here. I don't know if that's some sort of deluxe feature I'll have to pay for or not. What I could do in the meantime is include links to what I saw down there....Check the end of this post.)

Speaking of that digital camera, this is the first one I've ever operated. I can tell it's going to take some getting used to...with the old-style cameras I'm used to, you just push the button, and the shutter snaps open. With this digital thing, there is sometimes a lag (and sometimes not) between when you push the button and when the picture is actually taking. A lot of my shots are of things I wanted to get...only a fraction of a second after they've passed out of frame. On the whole, though, I must say I enjoyed the thing. Otherwise I would not have snapped 160 shots this weekend!

Now, about the actual trip. Let me say I'm going to skip the obligatory complaints about a six hour drive. Everyone knows what it's like, or at least they can imagine it. No need for me to put my two cents worth in, here. If you've never been in a car for six hours, and you're trying to imagine what it would be like, it's pretty bad...but, it may be a little worse than you're imagining. But, I won't discourage roadtrips. Most of the time, half the fun of getting anywhere is the journey itself.

The first day...well, I don't remember much about the first day. I recouperated briefly and we hit the town(s). See, Muscle Shoals is one of four cities (towns) that share common borders. I've never been to a place like it before, but it's the kind of place where you can't tell where one town stops and the other stops. (If anyone is sitting in Lexington or Nicholasville, Kentucky reading this, think U.S. 27...where it's getting harder to tell where Nicholasville starts and Lexington stops...only more so, and in four directions.)

The four towns are Muscle Shoals, Florence, Tuscumbia, and Sheffield. According to the sites I've linked to here, all these towns are considered part of the Florence, Alabama metro area. I was going to try to direct you to the Alabama State home page, but I kept getting an error message about it. In case your luck is better than mine, gentle reader, then I'll include the link to www.state.al.us. If you get bored with the same error messages over and over again like I do, just subsitute the "al" with the letters of any stat you desire! Surf on, and be happy!

But, back to the trip. I must say my favorite part was Spring Park in Tuscumbia. It has an awesome fountain in it...this thing is lighted, and each night at 8:30 (central time), it is choreographed to music! I know my desritption can do it no justice, but, ah well! I implore anyone who has the sense of adventure to go down there and see the place for themselves!!!! If I discover I can post pictures here without incurring any costs, I'll have to tease you with a couple!
Spring Park isn't the only reason to go down there. This area is also the birthplace of W.C. Handy, and Helen Keller.

As for the second day of the trip, we spent a lot of time looking at houses in the area. Property values down there are really reasonable...we saw some nice houses down there for a fraction of what the same ones would cost up here.

Day three. Much the same. We went to a scenic overlook along the river...a place where my sister saw fireworks on the Fourth of July this year. Very impressive place she found there. One can see the majority of the four towns from that vantage point. My sister told me that the whole valley was alive that night...all across the horizon she could see little fireworks being launched out of people's back yards. I guess I know where I'd like to be next year...if the insanity at my cousin's neighborhood doesn't go on as it has every year for the past decade!

Well, folks....I hate to post and run, but Lexington looks like it's about to get hit with a pretty good storm...I don't want to loose what I've typed up here already!!

More tomorrow...I must add before I leave...

As much as I enjoyed the trip, I do enjoy my home, too!
Good night, All!