Thanksgiving Came Early this Year
November 9^th, 2003
11:32 P. M.

That's right! My family had its thanksgiving dinner tonight. Not all that odd when you consider that a member of my family is stationed overseas.
Now, I know what you're thinking, and no, it it isn't Iraq.
We did get together tonight, however, and it was strange.

Let me tell you how.

It's either because I'm getting older, or;

What I thought was "getting older" isn't all that old after all.
I was there listening to my dad and his two younger brothers, and watching them too. I mean, really observing them. Even the youngest (if he'll forgive me) is showing signs of that dread "middle-age spread".
(I am, too, but I've been a little chunky for quite a while now. Not only that...I am nowhere near midlife!) I'm only 12 years younger than Dad's youngest brother, so I don't know if he's really middle aged or not.
When you consider it, though, who knows when midlife really is?

Furthermore, who cares? My dad and his two brothers don't seem to be bothered by getting older. (Dad, in fact, turns 50 this month.)

Chances are, that in about 20 years, I won't care about getting older either. I may forget writing this tonight and flip out a few more times as the years go by (thinking to myself "I should have done this, that, and the other by now!), but that's hard to stop.
No matter how aware, but nonchalant you are about your own aging, you'll still feel the temptation to compare your life to someone else's. Then you will find the spots in your life that don't measure up to the others'.

Why do we do that?

I know I will do it. Time and again, and again I will do that.
I've done it already.
I've said before;

I want to be married by 25
I want to have a child on the way by 30

Hasn't happened that way, though!

I, standing at the threshold of thirty, have not only never been married, I have no girlfriend. I have no children. None expected, either! Hard to expect a child when you haven't met the mother yet.

I know I could probably adopt; I've heard that one too many times (in fact, I think I've heard that only once).

Just a weakness of mine. I want to have a family as close to the traditional way as possible.

If I wind up with someone who cannot have children, for whatever reason, I would only then adopt.

I would be a single parent if the choice were thrust upon me.
And I don't want to think about that...
I've already lost...too often.

So, then, some of you are asking yourselves this;
"It sounds like this guy is feeling down about his life. Since his family gathered for Thanksgiving so early, then why isn't he writing about what he's thankful for?"
Well, I'm glad you asked. I was just getting around to that.
To meet me in person, you might have to study me carefully to know that I feel down about anything. Those closest to me know, but even to them it doesn't come out as strong as it could.

But, since the question of my thankfulness has been raised, I'll tell you...

I feel thankful for the opportunities that lie ahead of me.
I'm thankful that I haven't gotten my wishes when I wanted them granted. If I had, I now wonder...would I have appreciated them as much then as I will when they are finally granted?
And, finally;
I'm thankful that I'm getting (hopefully) a little wiser. If it is true that I am learning from my past mistakes, then maybe...just maybe...I am one step closer to attaining my dreams.

That's all for tonight.
I hope you all find something in your lives to be thankful for. If it's only the fact that people get sappy and sentimental like this only once a year.