I Didn't Mean to Skip Out on Thursday, But Here's...
February 6^th, 2004
2:18 A. M.
The Friday Five!

But first, a foreword. (It's written by me, but I don't know if it's the first time an author has written a foreword for their own work...)

This week's Friday Five is about taking risks. I don't take very many. For some reason, other than fear, I don't like taking risks. I think of myself as hobbit-like in this fashion ... risks lead to adventure, and "... adventures make one late for dinner!" (from The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien.)

1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?
Well, like I said in the foreword, I don't really go in for "daring." I'm a play it safe, wait-and-see (and then do something) kind of guy. Most people mistake that for some sort of weakness. I just like to weigh out options.

But, as for the most daring thing I've ever done, I would say it was breaking up with the girlfriend that lead me on for seven and a half years (and possibly kept me from someone who could have made me happy for the rest of my life).

2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?

Ask D what I think about other people's approval. That, and I like to think that I am surrounded by a fairly libertarian bunch of people (sometimes I think of them as "pseudo-libertarians," though ... their ideas about personal freedoms seem to me to be like personally designed imprisonment), meaning that most of them have already tried things that I haven't yet. (Smoking weed, for example; I probably won't try that, and haven't as of now, but it's fine with me if anyone/everyone else wants to.)

3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle)
3

4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?
(You're my question four, forever more. I love you! My question four! If anyone gets that reference, stop what you're doing immediately and leave a comment!)

This relates back to my answer to question one, so go back and read it again if you have the need. Are you back? Good, here's the answer to question four.

Well, that's still unfolding today. I know deep down in my heart that if I hadn't broken off the "relationship" I had going, I would still be going through the same stuff that I had been going through with that person already. She would have renewed her lease with her male roommate, she would have continued to accepted dates with other guys (to here her tell it, she would accept because she didn't want to hurt their feelings), and she would continue to answer my question, "Will you marry me" with a "Not right now," without even pausing.

So much was indefinite with her. She played a nice little headgame with me, and I no longer have that headgame in my life! She would tell me "You're the most important person to me," then turn around and do all the things I stated in the previous paragraph. I think it took me a great deal of daring to get the fuck out of that. (Yes, I said "fuck." Like I said a few posts back, I don't use "obscenity" very often, but I use it when it's appropriate. I think it was very much so in this case.)

5. ... and what's the worst?

The worst thing, I'd say, is what happened because I didn't take the risk years earlier, when I first suspected that the headgame was going.

I'll leave it at that.

(It weighs surprisingly heavy on my heart even now.)