Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!!!!
November 24^th, 2003
12:34 A. M.

Ok, though it is no longer Sunday, I will write about it.
Nothing special happened today. However, it has been a counter-productive week, as usual, for me. I have done absolutely nothing to advance myself toward a future. I do nothing more than allow time to sweep me forward.

Nothing more at all.

Time for some honesty here, while I still have a little bit of an alcohol buzz left. I don't get these very often, and I figure that it will be as interesting for me to read what I have written as it will be for you.

Not that I have had enough to have forgotten anything that has happened tonight (as usual, nothing worth reporting...I openly admit that I have no chance with any woman whether I think she is attractive or not. So whether I'm buzzed or not, I won't come on to a woman.)

So, more honesty. I have to ask myself, "Do I really want to have a relationship at all?"

The answer to that alternates between the only two possible answers there are. The is "yes" or "no." Nothing in between. No conditions, no qualifiers, no rationalizations.

So, if I could settle on an answer, I think I would be a lot more satisfied with my life.
I feel like my chances at a viable relationships dissipated years ago. Honestly, I can tell you that this scenario does not bother me. At all.
If I had my chance and blew it, that's all there is to it. No use complaining or crying myself to sleep over it (which I did a night or two ago.)

So, at this point, I figure, tomorrow I'll just ask this new lady out. If she says "yes," I'll take her out and be myself.
If I can trust what D says (and I know I can), then I have nothing to worry about. The new lady will like me the way I already like her. She'll give me a chance.

And, if it all falls through, there is always the possibility I posted about on Wednesday.

I wonder what the climate is like in Hades these days?