I Don't Know What the Heck That Was, But It Was Nice
October 28^th, 2003
The Time's Not Important (It's really 1:38 A. M. on the 29^th, but I'm counting this as Tuesday's post!)

OK, so has this ever happened to you?

It doesn't really matter where you are, because this circumstance can happen anywhere. And this has happened to me only twice in my life.
Here is what I'm talking about.
You are standing around, talking to someone of the opposite sex, and you are connecting with them...really having a nice conversation. You know that friendship is there, and anything beyond that hasn't entered your mind (and you don't expect it to).
But, at some point, for whatever reason, the two of you have drifted into each other's personal space. This usually happens when neither of you are really paying attention to your proximity. You may not even be looking directly at each other. In my case...my cases, really...the other person and I had each other in our peripheral vision. In both cases, she was looking down and slightly away from me, and I was looking roughly over her shoulder...but higher. We drifted almost into physical contact range.
But something happens....
One of the two of you (as happened in my case) realizes what's going on, and that near contact is broken...and the two of you rush your attention to other things. This happens in such a way...well, let's say from my experience, this happens in such a way that you aren't sure if you're the one that broke off first.

Like I said earlier; this has happened to me twice in my life that I can readily recall.
The first time...while I can't tell you exactly who broke it off first, I can tell you why I broke it off when I did.
I was working in the garden shop at a store about three years ago. There was someone who worked with me whom I didn't consider myself necessarily attracted to, but I readily acknowledge that she was(is) very pretty. But, I had a girlfriend at the time to whom I was (hopelessly) devoted. That was reason number one. That was the big one.
Come to think of it, both reasons were very big for moving out of her personal space. Not only, as I stated before, did I have a girlfriend I was devoted to...the young lady I didn't mind having in my personal space was just that; young.
I was 26. She was 16.
And, I respected her. I still do. I see absolutely no reason for a 26 year-old to get involved with a 16 year-old. I'm certain she would agree. So, therefore, I'm back to this one (not so) nagging question;

Did I break that "contact," or did she?

The second time this happened was about a year and a half ago. It was another case in which the lady and I had already established a friendship, so we could (and would) talk about anything. This time, it wasn't just the two of us in the room, though, so other folks (might have) witnessed it.
We were all gathered around talking about one damn thing or another, and this lady and I accidentally drifted into each other's personal space. I didn't mind it. I'm guessing she didn't either.
There is no way I could have missed seeing her...heck, she was standing right in front of me, at a little more than three quarters profile. She had to have seen me, too.
But, there we were. Hanging out, talking...and we had drifted into each other's personal space. We held that for a beat or two, and I realized this:
"The only person I should let get this physically close to me is my girlfriend."
So, I changed my orientation to her, and took one or two quick steps in the new direction I was facing.
At roughly the same time, she did the same thing, so in a beat of a heart, she and I were about four paces away from each other.
Reasons for this retreat:
I was devoted to my girlfriend.
I was 28. My unwitting co-participant was only 26.

26? Hey, wait a minute!!!
She was 26, and unattached. I was in a relationship with someone who was going out with other guys every time it struck her fancy.

Well, at least I know what I'm made of. I at least know that I have the power to resist.
But, dammit! The second participant was only 2 (not 10!) years younger than me, and unattached! She is prettier than my ex, but far more importantly, and this will be the only time I use a word so vulgar in a post, has her shit together.

(On a total tangent here, I realize that there are many more "acceptable" words to use in the place of the one I just used. They all happen to sound French. The word I used is from Old English, and was in common use in England in the early 11^th century. Totally acceptable until *guess who* invaded England in 1066. I have nothing against the French of today. I'm wondering if the French in 1066 decided to export their jerks, and they all landed in England in order to give us a list of "Dirty Words!")

But, back to my main point here (don't you just love sidetracks?), I now am left to wonder...what would have happened had I not broken that contact. I like my current co-worker, and I readily acknowledge that if I had met her at the right time I would have asked her out. But, at the time, I was devoted...to you know who (at least by description, as I will never mention her name here).
Now, I have no-one in my life as a significant other...and my current co-worker is talking of marriage.
Damn.
Missed out again!

Strange...I'm smiling right now.
It's funny when I read it.
It's funny when I think back on it.

Why am I not hurting over this?
I expected pain.

I guess it comes down once again to this:
"Grab A Hold of That Fistful of Rain"