An End to the (Now Weekly) Hiatus

I'm going to finally break down and write about something I've been dying to comment about. I'm sure most of you have seen what I'm going to talk about. I have had the devil's time of figuring out whether I wanted my writing to show up in this particular search, but now I just don't care. I've had too much fun watching these little 15 second spots on TV for several months now, and they keep getting funnier each time I see them. The potential for someone to get ahold of these ads and exaggerate the hell out of them is ... Enormous...

I don't know if I even want to mention the name of this product, or even its tagline. Allow me to merely say that this product helps boost the confidence and ego of a supposedly typical man. Allow me to also say that these spots contain a lot of items that are "longer than they're wide."

(Yes, I did quote from an old Melanie song! In fact, I even know that singer's last name; Safka. Prettier and much more talented than Janis Joplin, the only thing that kept Melanie's career from really taking off is that she had the great misfortune of outliving a lot of her contemporaries. More than likely, she's out playing somewhere, but I'll never know about it ... Unless I look in some search engine ... Which I might do right now. Sure enough, she is!)

Anyway, back to the story:

Today as I was watching Star Trek the Next Generation, the latest ad for this product came on. Apparently, I missed this one when it first came out. It was set at a Christmas party, and the first thing I noticed was a recurring character (yes! a recurring character in an advertisement!) dressed as an elf, holding a striped, candy cane looking thing labeled "North Pole." The other recurring character, presumably the Elf's husband, wheeled up in an office chair. The setting was, of course, an office party. They were smiling maniacally as usual, and surrounded by revellers smiling, but not quite the same way as those two always seem to be. There is also at least one man and one woman in those commercials that are, indeed, frowning.

"So, (the husband) does the buddy thing and tells (shriveled sausage friend) about (this amazing product.)" (Short stack man) holds (the amazing product's) brochure up to his face, hiding his mouth. His eyes pop open wide, he lowers the brochure, revealing (you guessed it!) a demonically manic smile where a frown once was!

A scene with more phallic symbols of disproportionate size fly across the screen
and we can assume that (short stuff's) ... Erm ... Stuff isn't so short anymore. This pleases his companion to no end, whose smile is now as manic as (the knowing buddy) and (his wife.)

That's the commercial in a ... Sorry, I can think of no way of saying "that summarizes the advertisement" without saying it this way; ... Nutshell....

I might just order a couple of bottles of this stuff just to throw it away. I just want to send a message to that company that I enjoy the 15 seconds of purely entertaining innuendo. I'm amazed that they can even advertise this product without using a lot of banned words. These people deserve an A+ in my book.

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And now it's time for!

The Humpday Quote of the
Week!
(Yes! I think I will return to the original format this week, and for a few weeks following! Just don't expect anymore font colors. I've run out of ideas for those.)

Time wounds all heels.
-----Groucho Marx